When Betty Sullivan's husband died last year, the 85-year-old hadn't lived alone in more than six decades. For three months, her three daughters took turns staying with her each and every night.
"Although I appreciated having them with me, it wasn't fair to them and their families," says the feisty Sullivan.
Her five children suggested a seniors' independent-living residence.
"My children didn't want to see me living alone in our big family home and I didn't want to either," says "We looked at a couple of places and they were both really good, but we settled on Maple Residences."
It's been over a year, and Sullivan says she couldn't be happier with her choice.
"I don't have to cook, clean or strip my bed it's all included in my rent," she adds. "There's great entertainment every week such as bridge, bingo, exercise classes, billiards as well as different outings."
Best of all, Sullivan has made lots of new friends.
Choices in Seniors' Housing
Like Sullivan's children, many boomers are facing decisions about their aging parents' housing options, and there's a range of choices.
- downsizing and/or buying in a more central location
- staying at home with home care
- independent living in a seniors' complex that offers meals, housekeeping and activities
- assisted living in a complex that offers extra personal care services for people with reduced physical abilities
- long-term residential care with clinical support services for people who can no longer take care of themselves
- split facilities that keep couples together by catering to different levels of need
For seniors' housing that offers any level of assistance, you have two options: public or private. Both are overseen by the BC Government for health and safety standards. Public housing is income based. Seniors pay a per diem depending on their income.
In private residences, residents must pay all costs. Private-pay residences may charge a fixed rate for a package of services or fee-for-service, or a combination of the two.
Most of what's available is rental units, but a few of the private independent-living complexes also offer strata-titled condominiums which appeal to seniors who are uncomfortable giving up the security of owning.
Having the Conversation
It's not an easy subject to approach.
"The key thing is that the parent needs to be involved in the decision-making process as much as possible, because for many seniors it's such a life-changing event that can seem frightening," says Eileen Campbell, leasing administrator at The Maple Residences, a non-profit independent living residence in the heart of Steveston.
"It should be discussed with respect, dignity and understanding."
First off, Campbell suggests that you have the conversation sooner rather than later. "It might be hard to start the conversation, but don't wait until a sickness or a bad fall occurs before you discuss what your parent wants and needs.
"In addition, be realistic about health and current lifestyle statusphysical, emotional, cognitive and socialand don't sugarcoat the reality."
"The health of an aging parent can change quickly, so consider seniors' housing options that offer a continuum of care," suggests Elizabeth Ho, general manager at Gilmore Gardens, a private retirement community of rental suites. Her facility, for instance, has a nurse on staff Monday to Friday, who is also available after hours.
She also emphasizes the need to consider what is most important to your parent's emotional well-being. Look at what is offered in terms of social activities and outings. "If your parent loves gardening, make sure the residence has a gardening club or lots of green space."
As for location, "Find out what is most important to them," says Ho, "Is moving closer to the family important if they never see the family, or are they better in a neighbourhood where they have friends and a good social network?"
She says it's also important to recognize how hard it is for anyone to move. The emotional ties to personal belongings and the idea of getting rid of them are very real concerns to seniors.
Minimizing the number of moves is important, but at the same time, "Moving too quickly to downsizing can have a huge negative effect on a senior's health," she says. "Families need to allow their parent choices in what they keep and what they throw away."
Eileen Campbell adds that apprehension about the idea of leaving home is normal. "Let your parents know about all of their options some seniors sign up right away and some might need six months to adjust to the idea of going into a seniors' residence."
Some seniors might show real resistance to assisted or even independent living because they remember the horrors of the nursing homes of decades past.
"Times have changed and seniors' residences are definitely not what they used to be," says Campbell.
Choosing a Seniors' Residence
- While touring a seniors' residence, talk to the residents about their perceptions of the place.
- Plan to stay or return another day for a complimentary lunch or dinner.
- Don't limit your tour to the suite and common areas. Ask to see the kitchen.
- If you would really like to "kick the tires," inquire about staying for a trial period.
- Ask for resident family references you can contact for their opinions.
- Beyond the standard tour, check stairwells and other less-traveled areas to see how well they're cleaned and maintained.
- Ask for copies of any paperwork required for admission along with samples of menus, activity calendars and newsletters.
- You may also consider hiring a consultant to help you find a suitable retirement residence. A consultant can also assist you with the actual move and other arrangements.
(Courtesy of BC Seniors Living Association)
Financial Matters
- What is the daily/monthly rate?
- Are there charges for additional services you may want or need?
- Is phone or cable service part of your package?
- Is there a resident petty cash account with separate accounting?
- What type of notice period is required should you need, or decide to move?
- How often are rates for accommodation and/or services increased?
- What is the average annual rate of increase over the last few years?
Staying at Home with Home Care
- Determine specific needshow many hours, how much and what type of support (meals, housekeeping, company, etc.)
- Government support will only cover health needs.
- Use credible services and take the time to interview agencies.
- Consider the costs; they can vary widely.
- Lay out exactly what qualifications are needed from the home care worker and find out about the potential for continuity of worker.
Further Information
SeniorsBC.ca: toll free at 1-800-465-4911
BC Seniors Living Association: toll free at 1-888-402-2722
Seniors Services Society: 604-520-6621
Better at Home: 604-268-1312 or [email protected]
